It’s been one year since a dark cloud passed over our house. If you had asked me then if I could still be fighting this battle a year later I would have probably told you I couldn’t survive it that long. In fact, I’m sure I said something about not being able to carry on like this in the early weeks. The war is still being fought, but many battles have been won. We know who has victory in the end, but we must continue to fight until that time.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23
This Psalm and many others have brought me great comfort and remind me minute by minute that the Lord is there and that He will restore my soul. He has taught us many things over the last year. The valley that we have passed through has been deep and very dark at times, but we were comforted by His presence.
Family- The Lord has brought us much closer as a family. Gene, Hannah, Rachel Caroline, and I have grown spiritually in ways that we couldn’t imagine. We have learned that we need to be willing to share our deepest hurts and concerns with one another so that we may get support and so that they are not used as a tool of the enemy.
We have had to watch Sarah writhe and wail in emotional and spiritual agony. This is not easy to see (or write about). The complete helplessness we have felt has no description. We have had no choice but to trust in the Lord. We saw early on that it was only the Lord who can heal the heart and mind. We have been called to love and direct her but He must do the work. That was a really hard thing to learn. It’s like the old saying, “Let go and let God.”
Friends- Boy, did we learn a lot here! We found some true friends that are like precious jewels to us. They listened as we cried, admitted that they didn’t have all the answers (or sometimes any answers) but they were willing to listen, lift us up and encourage us in doing good.
We also found many that were more like Job’s friends. Gene and I were told more than once that this affliction on our house was due to our sin and that God wouldn’t remove it until we repented.
As He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind ?” Jesus answered, “It was neither that this man sinned, nor his parents ; but it was so that the works of God might be displayed in him. John 9:1-3
I have many thoughts on why people say/think such things. I believe that it is easier to think that things such as this can only happen to people because they are in sin. It can make us feel better about things and not have to face the possibility that something devastating could happen to us. It also feeds our pride, with those lovely holier than thou thoughts we all like to think- “at least I’m not like them” – we say to ourselves. It also shows a lack of understanding that trials come to us all. As scripture says, “rain falls on the just and the unjust.” The truth of the matter is, God has His ways, and they are beyond our comprehension.
Faith- We have been strengthened through this in many ways. We know that we can do nothing without His help. So many days I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed, I didn’t even know where to start (I still feel this way many times). I don’t know what my day will hold. Will Sarah be calm and cooperative, or angry and combative? I don’t know from moment to moment how she will act/react. I often melt into a puddle, crying out to God to help me, this is so far beyond what we know how to do.
“I used to tell young preachers, in order to preach you’ve got to have the power of God on your life. Now I tell them, in order to tie your shoes you’ve got to have the power of God on your life.”-Paul Washer
He has been faithful and brought us through many days of little to no sleep. The emotional roller coaster at times has so many loops that I get dizzy. But He’s there through all of the twists and turns to comfort me and carry me when I can’t go on. We often think that we have to be strong (that’s another Christian myth that has been shattered in our lives), we don’t. We need to be weak. It is in our weakness that we are made strong, only through Him.
Our prayer is that the Lord will restore Sarah, if it is His will. Other than that, we pray that the Lord will use our suffering in the lives of others. So, here are some challenges for you.
Think about those in your life who are struggling. Have you called/texted/e-mailed them lately? Often we are good about keeping in touch with people when a crisis is fresh, but forget about them as time goes on. I can promise you the loving words of a friend can be a balm.
Make sure that you aren’t like Job’s friends when dealing with those that are hurting. Are you encouraging or laying blame?
Listen- I can’t emphasize that enough. Listen to their circumstances, their needs and struggles. Don’t assume that you can come into a situation and fix everything. When it doesn’t work out, it just causes them to feel more defeated, hurt and confused. If you don’t know what to do or say, ask. Ask how you can pray for them, or if you can run to the store for them.
Do you have any other challenges you can offer based on something you have gone through? Please share if you do.
Here are a couple of posts that Rachel has written where she shares her heart about what we have been going through.