When we were on our way to Louisiana for Papaw’s funeral we ran into a rain storm. You know the kind where you can hardly see the car in front of you? The picture above was taken in the midst of the storm. The storm was so bad and visibility was so low that all of the cars had their flashers on to try to be more visible.
In April a storm hit our family full strength. Like a hurricane we had warning signs, but when the warning signs were coming we didn’t know the strength of the storm that was behind them. This storm was in the form of illness in one of our children. Unfortunately it wasn’t the type of illness that you can put a band-aid on or treat with medicine. It was an illness of the heart and mind brought on by extreme heartbreak. Our daughter Sarah will be 26 next month, but mentally she is 6 and along with that comes the innocence of a young child. She loves and lives in a world that doesn’t comprehend unkindness and the inability to show love. She was plunged head long into that realization, and it took a hard toll on her.
For weeks that have turned into months we have been unsure of her outcome. We honestly don’t know if she will ever be the same again. There are changes that I think will help her in the future, she is seeming to learn to cope with things which she had be sheltered from in the past. At times we see a break in the clouds and in the distance we can see hope. But it’s in the distance.
I have been trying to get life back to some semblance of normal. I don’t know what normal really is anymore. For 8 weeks it was me sitting on the couch beside Sarah every waking minute trying to make a connection with her and sleeping on the couch in the family room while she slept on a air bed a few feet away. Many of those nights were sleepless, full of worry, anxiety, confusion, prayer, and desperation. I can say I have never felt so desperate as I have in the last few months. Desperate to know how to help my child, desperate to fix things, desperate to have God give me clear direction. And He has. I can’t count the times that He has given me clear direction as to how to help her, and when I have followed that leading, I have been given what I need most of all . . . hope.
He really does offer help for the hopeless, because I have been that hopeless person as of late, not understanding, feeling like I am walking through a storm that has no end; hoping I don’t get lost in the process.
I have been so blessed to have the husband I have and Hannah, Rachel, and Caroline who have all been here on a daily basis to bring encouragement to me when I felt I couldn’t make it another moment, much less another day. Life has been raw. Ripped open. Shredded. But even in the midst of this God is glorious! He is brings restoration to my heart and healing to my soul.
Sarah needs your prayers. We all do. We are so thankful for the prayers and encouragement of extended family and friends. It can be heartbreaking to not know if she will be the same again. Mourning is part of daily life here now, mourning and missing the Sarah that was, and now mourning the loss of Papaw.
I don’t know what lies ahead. I just know that I’m trusting my Savior to bring us through it and sanctify us in the process.